This week, like last week, has been incredibly busy. Given the nature of my job, sometimes my work is slow (particularly if I don’t have any billable work), sometimes it’s consistent (a mix of admin and billable work or at least a steady flow of billable work), and sometimes it’s like it has been, with a massive influx of projects. I like being busy, so I’m not complaining, but I can see a definite difference in my body, my mind, and my creativity when things are this busy for this long. Fatigue is real. Not to mention that my anxiety and depression already deplete a lot of my physical and mental energy. The medication helps with this a lot, but only to a point. It can’t magically give me more energy, it just subdues my anxiety and depression so that I’m not using as much energy to manage my mental health.

So how do I manage all of the responsibilities on my plate? Work, school, chores around the condo, personal reading and writing practices, as well as giving myself proper rest periods and getting enough sleep?

Well, to be honest, it’s an up and down process. Sometimes it means that I have to prioritize and reprioritize throughout the day, allowing myself space to put off some things that don’t need to be done immediately. (It’s usually chores.) Because let’s be real: no one can get everything done that they want to get done in a single day. At least, I don’t know anyone who can. For all of our good intentions when we wake up, we can’t control or predict what a specific day is going to bring, and that means allowing ourselves to be flexible and let things go where we can. I’ve struggled with this a lot because I’m a textbook overachiever, I’m a people pleaser, and I love the feeling of accomplishment when I get things done. I don’t like leaving things undone, I don’t like putting things off, because it’s easier to be push myself to the point of exhaustion than it is to cut myself some slack.

But it’s often necessary. I cannot sacrifice my job; that is a hard line that I cannot budge on. My job pays my bills. My job allows me to attend grad school. Some people might not have to work while in school, but I do not have that luxury. Not if I want to provide for myself. So however much energy I have to exert to get my job done, is the amount of energy my job gets. I also can’t compromise on school. Since I’m in a low-residency program, I have some flexibility over when I work on assignments, but that only stretches so far. I still have to complete my packets on time. And if I want my time in grad school to be worth the amount of money I’ve spent, then I want my efforts to be strong. I don’t want to half-ass it. I want to make sure I’ve put in the maximum amount of effort I can.

If I want to stay healthy while working full time and being a full time grad student (which is really goddamn fucking hard to do, just so you know), then I also can’t compromise on my times of rest. Which means that my evenings need to be flexible. It means that I might have to let the dishes sit in the sink for another day or two. It means I might not sweep the floors once a week, like I try to do. It means I might have to choose between going for a walk to get some exercise, or putting my clean clothes away. Because most of the time, there just aren’t enough hours in the day, or enough energy in my body, to complete everything.

And that’s okay.

I’m extremely grateful that my partner understands the level of responsibility I navigate everyday. He doesn’t complain when the kitchen is a bit messy or when the floors need swept. He doesn’t make me feel like shit for not being superwoman. Cause here’s the thing: our society constantly reinforces the idea that if we don’t get everything done, we’re failures. If we can’t do it all, or even if we can but we choose not to, it means we’re selfish, or that we’re irresponsible. But the truth is actually the exact opposite: choosing to give ourselves space to just breathe, without caring about the expectations other people have of us, is mandatory for a healthy life. As a people pleaser, I have exhausted myself more times than I can count to make up for other people’s choices. I did it for my ex. I’ve done it in past jobs. I’ve done it in other relationships. And I’ve been massively taken advantage of a lot.

But the moments when I have chosen to unapologetically live each and every day according to what best suits my physical, mental, emotional, and financial needs, I’ve watched as things have fallen into place. Because as much as I would love to make my living as a writer, the reality is that this likely will not happen. It rarely does for most writers. And I do not ever again want to be in a position like I was in my marriage where I’m reliant on someone else to pay most of my bills. So the solution isn’t to keep exhausting myself.

The solution is to let things go, to get the more flexible responsibilities done when I can. I’m a woman who suffers from mental illness. I’m a survivor of sexual assault and an emotionally abusive marriage and likely has PTSD. I’m a woman with limitations, and only I get to decide how best to meet my needs, how to respond to my own limitations.

So, as this busy week inches to a close, I want to encourage you to take more time for yourself this year. Don’t exhaust yourself just because other people think you should. Don’t carry responsibilities that aren’t yours to carry. Let things go. Give yourself room to be flexible. Give yourself room to really live. And live well. It will mean pissing people off. It will mean being vigilant and protective over your boundaries and your needs. But it also will mean a happier, healthier, more fulfilling life. I don’t intend to ever go back to the woman who would rather have just pleased people than assert herself. It was a massive waste of time and energy, and I just do not have any more fucks to give.