This will be a shorter post. Ace Con 2019 is in Seattle this coming weekend, and I’m going with two of my best friends. One of them is meeting Jeremy Renner, the actor who plays Hawkeye in The Avengers movie franchise. I will be meeting Deborah Woll, the actress who plays Karen Paige in Daredevil, The Punisher, and the The Defenders Netflix shows. She was also Jessica in True Blood.

This trip means a lot to me because it’s taken me many years to feel comfortable as a woman inside of certain fandoms. With the tremendous backlash that Captain Marvel received upon it’s release earlier this year, it’s abundantly clear that, even in 2019, representing marginalized groups in the MCU makes certain fans very angry.

This comes as no surprise to this particular Marvel fan. I mean, how long did it take for Marvel to even create a woman-lead superhero film? Natasha Romanov/Black Widow has been in the MCU since Iron Man 2. Black Widow is in 7 of the movies in the MCU. She is the first woman on The Avengers team and, before the first Avengers movie, was a kick ass S.H.I.E.L.D. operative. However strong she is, however powerful and cunning and compassionate and loyal she is, it was assumed from the beginning that no one would watch a woman-lead superhero film. Peggy Carter, at least, got her own television series, and she deserved every second of it. But Natasha was never anything more than a plot device, and End Game proved that.

Natasha deserved so much better than the MCU gave her, and I will be forever bitter about it.

It took my until the last two years to really see myself in the MCU. Even as more women characters were added (Jane Foster in Thor, Sharon in The Winter Soldier, Gamora and Nebula in Guardians of the Galaxy, Wanda/Scarlet Witch in Age of Ultron, Shuri, Nikita, and Okoye in Black Panther, Valkyrie in Thor: Ragnarok), it took until the release of Captain Marvel to see what it was like for a superhero movie to revolve around something other than a man’s power. And it was then that I felt I truly belonged in the MCY fandom, like there was finally a place for me to fit in.

Which, while amazing, is also fucked up. It shouldn’t have taken this long for me to feel as though I belonged in this fandom. And one of the reasons I’m so excited about the Seattle trip is because Deborah Woll, who plays Karen Paige, is another example of what the depiction of a strong woman in film can inspire in viewers. To meet Woll is going to be an iconic moment for me because, at 30 years old, I can finally assert my right to belong to the MCU fandom. And it’s not that I ever needed permission, but rather that I felt as though, if I was included, it would only on the fringe.

Now, there are many strong women in the MCU. There are LGBTQIA+ superheroes in the MCU. There are people of color in the MCU. They’re wearing the suits and capes. They’re kicking ass. They’re saving lives. A new normal is building, and I am part of it. If you like the MCU, then you’re a part of it, too.

I’ll be posting the pictures I take of Ace Con. I’ll be writing about this experience over several posts. So keep close. I have lots to say about this.