I’m not sure this title is perfectly accurate to what I’ll be writing about here, but I can’t think of a different title, so what the hell?
In ten days (not counting today), my third M.F.A. packet will be due. I don’t know what I expected this M.F.A. to be, but I did not expect what it has been. (That’s a good thing, fyi!) This is a lot of writing to get done in very short amounts of time, though it doesn’t seem like it. In undergrad, I had a great deal more homework every week than I do currently, but the volume of work was manageable. The volume of work in this program is also manageable, that’s not the issue.
The issue I’m facing is that I’m being pushed to grow as a writer in ways I haven’t been pushed before. I’m given exercises that I’ve never tried before; I’m encouraged to expand some essays and cut down on others; I’m pushed to think outside of my usual creative systems to arrive at something more experimental than I’m used to. It’s all wonderful and feels like I really am improving as a writer, but it’s also deeply uncomfortable and frustrating.
It doesn’t help that I have a lot going on in my life that stresses me out and distracts me from my homework. I still haven’t quite finished Sense and Sensibility, even though my deadline was today. (I’ll be finishing it up tonight, so I’m still technically on schedule, but I had hoped to start reading Emma by now.) And I’m rather far behind on my assigned readings for the semester. I also haven’t even begun working on my critical paper for Narrative Theory, and I’ve given myself the deadline of October 31 to submit it. (I’m fairly certain I’ll make this deadline; I’m taking 2-3 of the writers we read for Narrative Theory and analyzing whether or not they apply to my own creative work.)
The divorce is giving me ample amounts of material to write about, but it’s not that simple. Diving into the truths of my broken, dead marriage causes considerable emotional hurt. Writing helps to process that hurt, but it also makes it exceedingly difficult to think critically about those pieces because the divorce is still ongoing. I haven’t even looked at Cavern of Serpents, my novel, in weeks. And I know that this will all get better when the divorce is finalized and I can actually start moving on, but right now it’s proving a difficult (but worthwhile) process.
One thing that is also incredibly uplifting for me is the return of my infatuation with 19th century British literature. I’ve been reigniting my interest in the novels of that period and it has been greatly improving not only my mood, but my creative and critical faculties. These are positives and have indirectly (and directly) impacted my M.F.A. experience. I’m very pleased with this. It allows me to see a future that I thought for certain I had left behind.
I don’t have much of a point beyond this. I’ll post again once I’ve finished Sense and Sensibility, I’m sure. If there’s something you’d like me to write about, leave it in the comments. Also, if you have questions, feel free to ask!
