It’s day two of being on Prosac.

Some of you might be wondering why I talk so openly about my mental health and my personal life. Well, I’ve been trying to unlearn a lot of things that stem from my past, namely shame. Nothing good ever comes from shame, not personally, not professionally, and definitely not in relationships. I’ve internalized shame for a lot of different reasons and now I’m doing what I can to unravel it from inside me. As Brene Brown says in her book Gifts of Imperfection, shame thrives on secrecy. Owning our stories and telling them is the best way to combat shame.

Now, she would probably say something about making sure the people you tell your story to have earned the right to hear it, but I’m an extrovert and a writer, so I keep a blog and I write about my shit because too often in this world, people are completely inauthentic. If you look at my Instagram, you’ll see a woman who documents even the smallest of events in my life (like which episode of The Magicians I’m on) because sometimes the world needs to mundane and typical just as much as they need the extraordinary. And sometimes I need to feel like I’m seen and received by the people I’m connected to.

So, this is day two of being on Prosac. Yesterday I worked a full shift, I went for a run (that did not go at all the way I had hoped, but I’m still proud of myself for doing it), and I relaxed in the evening. I’m giving myself space to just exist this week. I keep reading, but if I don’t have the energy to write, then I don’t write. My next packet is due on September 11, so if I have to take the rest of this month to just breathe and be while I adjust to this medication, then I’m going to do exactly that. I got a lot written in my last packet and I write fast and for hours at a time, usually, so I have faith in my ability to still get this essay completely drafted in this packet.

Adjusting to this medication has been…interesting. I’m not entirely sure how things will keep going, but yesterday, I’m pretty sure I hit every emotion on the emotion scale except for anger. I mean, I legit cried at the trailer for a Star Wars Lego video game, ya’ll. I watched the trailer three times and I’m actually thinking about watching it again now. And yeah, I’m already really emotional and I cry at a lot of things, especially if it’s Star Wars related, but that was a new level of emotional I didn’t anticipate.

That reminds me…time for another Star Wars marathon!

Anyway, I think this medication is going to help. I can feel some changes in my system already, though I can’t quite put my finger on them, and I look forward to seeing what else changes. So far, no severe side effects or issues, so that’s good. I’m keeping track of how I’m feeling and what my emotions are so that if things start to go badly, I can tell my doctor.

Anyway, that’s all for now. Sending you love and reminding you to hydrate, take your meds (if you’re on any), and may the Force be with you.