Today I filled out my midterm evaluation.

It always surprises me how quickly the semesters fly by, and this one is no exception. This Friday, I will be turning in my third packet of the semester. It includes a letter to my faculty mentor, a revised proposal for my creative thesis, and the third draft of my poetics essay (that also finally has a title!). I cannot believe how much I’ve accomplished this semester on top of working full time, dealing with Covid-19 stress, trying to process the coming election, evacuating due to the fires, moving in with my boyfriend, and still managing to surpass my Goodreads goal for the year and blowing past my creative writing goals for the year.

Also, it’s fucking October. Since when?! Where was the rest of the year? I know I lived it, and yet it seems like such a long time has gone by so quickly. It’s astonishing. Since last year, I’ve lost about 35-40 pounds; I’ve gotten myself back into exercising mostly consistently; I’ve taken further steps to bettering my mental health, including starting Prosac; I’ve let go of a lot of the expectations I’d been internalizing; I’ve allowed toxic people to leave my life; I’ve worked on shifting my mentality on a lot of things, including how I define my value as a human being, and I’ve spent as much time as I can writing, reading, and growing.

As my boyfriend says, life is too long to spend it being unhappy.

I’m thoroughly impressed with how far I’ve come since last year. And this semester, with everything that’s happened, to not only be on time with my assignments, but to be ahead of where I wanted to be by this point, fills me with pride. I told myself going into this program that I would graduate a different person than I was going in. I told myself that I would give myself every opportunity to grow, to move beyond my comfort zones, to accomplish more than I thought possible.

And I have.

I’m also learning to give myself the space to acknowledge my victories, however small they might seem to others. I’m learning not to apologize for my existence, my space, or my success. I have more to learn, but I’m making progress and I am very proud of myself. Little by little, I’m purging my body of all the things people have made me feel about myself and I’m filling my body with positivity. I’m trying to train my thinking to shift from self-deprecation to self-love, self-appreciation, and self-acceptance. I’ve seen this impact my writing, I’ve seen it impact my essay for the semester, and I’ve seen it impact my writing process.

I’m going to accomplish big things in my life. I don’t know what form(s) they will take, but I am going to shoot high. I may not even know what these big things are by the time I die, but I am going to lunge forward. I’m going to reach for the goals I have. And I’m going to believe in my abilities, whether anyone else believes in me or not. All I need is me.

Well, I also need my pen and paper. But as long as I have myself, my pen, and a notebook, I will overcome anything.