This morning I woke up to an email from my faculty mentor responding to my third packet. The email included a sentence, in all caps, that said, “CONGRATS! YOU ARE DOING GREAT!” and now I’ve been doing little celebration dances in my chair. It’s one thing for me to know I’ve been doing well in my studies. It’s another thing entirely to hear from my mentor that she thinks I’m doing well, too. It may seem like a small amount of validation, but it does wonders for me every time.

I have always struggled with feelings of inadequacy. It stems from some really nightmarish experiences I had in elementary school. Even when I’m doing my best, I’m worried that it’s not enough. This applies across the board in every aspect of my life, but especially in school and in writing. Reading and writing were the two subjects I always scored highly in so even early on in my education, they were classes that fulfilled and excited me. Going to college in my mid-twenties was a blessing because I took a lot more of my other classes seriously. I got straight Bs in all of my science classes, I got As in my math classes, I got a B in history, I got an A in Psychology, and I guess the point is that college has allowed me to reclaim a lot of what, in elementary school, made me feel like not enough.

I was never treated like I was smart. I was always treated like a vapid, unintelligent girl. Even my former father in law, on hearing that I’d gotten an A in one of my first college classes, “jokingly” said, “Oh, guess you’re not completely stupid after all.” Having the chance to rewrite those parts of my life and prove myself to myself has always been important. Receiving any positive feedback from teachers has reinforced to me that I am always capable of more than I give myself credit for.

Being raised not to brag instills in you a kind of aversion to accepting praise or of talking good about one’s self. Being raised that your value comes from god and only god reinforces dangerous levels of insecurity, of damaging self-talk and self-thoughts, and emphasizes that shame is somehow a feeling that’s good for us to feel. I reject all of these things. I don’t fault anyone who finds healing, comfort, or peace in linking their value to god and only god. I just can’t live like that.

I am a smart, talented, hard working woman. I am a strong, resilient, curious woman. I am a creative and talented writer. I’m a caring and compassionate human being. I’m an honest and open person. I’m a strong reader. I am good at critical reasoning. And it’s not arrogance or self-importance to own the things we’re good at. I think it’s especially important for women to own their strengths because we spend so much of our lives being criticized and told we aren’t good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, talented enough. Well, I am enough. Full stop.

Today is a day for celebration. Today I’m walking in the power of self-love. And today I’m grateful for encouraging feedback from professors I admire and respect.