This is the most important work I’ve ever done.

Understanding myself, my weaknesses, my strengths, my needs, my goals, my ways of existing in the world, has been hard. For most of my adulthood, I’ve struggled with feeling like I don’t know who I am. Like I’m components of an almost-person, but things are missing.

This trauma treatment is allowing me to see myself as a whole person. Cracked in places, but not hollow. It’s taking a lot of getting used to because I feel like I’m a bit of a stranger to myself. But the more I heal, the more I learn. The more I learn, the more I feel myself growing into a gentle, fierce, confident woman who is heading towards great things.

And really, my life has already been great. I’ve survived some horrific experiences, but have not lost my gentleness of spirit, or my capacity to love others. I’ve been published. I’ve made a great potential career for myself in a job where I am continuously learning, growing, stretching. I’ve received many compliments from people regarding my performance, and that feels fucking incredible. I love doing what I do. It shows me how capable I really am in a world that constantly makes me feel less than.

I’m in a healthy, loving relationship with a partner I never thought could be real. (And he just got a new job with a BIG pay raise! Congrats to him!) He tells me I’m easy to love, and those words are like a salve to my soul. I love him more than I’ve loved anyone. And I’m about to fulfill my dream and graduate with my MFA. A future of writing, publishing, and general creativity is near at hand.

And I’m learning to understand myself, my body, my heart, and my soul. Because as easy as it would be to just say that I am who I am and that’s the end, I can’t settle into that. I deserve a wholehearted, fulfilling life. I get to choose what my story will be from here, and while others might not allow me room to change and grow, I can give that room to myself. Fuck anyone who projects a false or half narrative onto me. My life is mine to direct.

The really great thing? I’m moving beyond this. Beyond them, whoever they may be. I’m closing these doors and committing myself to build a wholehearted life. No more looking back and wondering, regretting, wishing, hurting. I’m healing. I’m stepping into my motherfucking destiny.

I have nothing to prove to anyone.

Watch me soar.