Graduating with my M.F.A. has been interesting in more ways than one. Not only do I feel more prepared to handle the world as an adult, I find myself thinking over a lot of the lessons I’ve learned along the way, as well as thinking about what lessons there might be to still learn.
Ever since undergrad, I’ve been a firm believer in the Growth Mindset. This concept was created by Carol Dweck, who gave a TedTalk on it. At its simplest definition, growth mindset is “when students understand that their abilities can be developed,” (Dweck, 2014). Often, especially in education, we assume that some students are simply born with certain educational abilities while others aren’t. When in reality, any student can develop any ability if they’re willing to give it time and dedication.
As a kid, I was terrible at math and science. I did not understand them and, even though my reading and comprehension scores were always very high, I continued to struggle to retain mathematical and scientific information. This wasn’t because of any lack of intelligence or natural ability in these subjects; more, it was that 1) I felt like I couldn’t do these subjects well and had anxiety around trying, and 2) wasn’t being taught the information in ways that were engaging and helpful.
As an adult working towards getting my general education requirements completed, I took one year of math to get myself to a college-level math class, and I astonished myself at how well I did. Moreover, I actually enjoyed the math classes I was in. Same with science. I even took an extra science class for my B.A. because I wanted to get the most out of my education. And as a result, I’ve been able to learn and expand both my knowledge and my skills far beyond what I thought possible.
But the growth mindset applies to more than just education. It can, and should, apply to every area of our lives. Jobs. Hobbies. Sports/athletics. Who we are as people. Because here’s the thing about the growth mindset that is so interesting: it forces us to hold ourselves accountable. And the people I’ve known in my life who refused to be held accountable are the people that have been the most toxic, the most self-centered, and the most dishonest. They have, by and large, tended to be manipulative, abusive, and have blamed all of their problems on pretty much everyone but themselves.
And look, it’s not that growth is or should be easy. It’s hard. It’s painful. It pretty much sucks most of the time. But the long run means a healthier, happier, less toxic person who is capable of recognizing when they’re wrong and accepts it. Everyone I have known who has refused to be held accountable to others are also the people who have been the most unhappy. Shirking responsibility can seem like a fun road from the outside, but the truth is that only the most miserable of people flatly refuse to look at their own actions and ask, “Am I in the wrong here? Even a little?”
Because sometimes we are in the wrong. Sometimes, we do the wrong thing with the right intentions. Sometimes, we do the right thing in the wrong way or at the wrong time. People who embrace the growth mindset can acknowledge the nuances of individual failures and flaws, and they do what they can to correct those behaviors and attitudes. Toxic, miserable, and selfish people just find more ways of blame shifting.
I think the biggest takeaway from the growth mindset is intention. Living each day with the intention of doing better than I did the day before, and making conscious choices toward those improvements, is probably the first step to completely revolutionizing my life. It’s a taking back of the control, a taking back of the power, a taking back of my life. I think so often, the most unhappy people are the ones who expect everyone else to do their own work for them. When really, the power lies in the ability to fight our battles for ourselves.
It may seem silly, but I’ve decided that, even though I’m working from home, I’m going to start dressing like a CEO. I’m not a CEO. I’m not even sure I’ll ever have the chance to be a CEO. But I want to manifest the me that I feel growing inside my chest. And she is a powerful, badass, business bitch who doesn’t take shit and doesn’t need anyone’s approval. The more I heal, the more confident I feel. It’s like any kind of healing: injuries weaken the body, healing restores its strength. Trauma weakens the mind, the body, the spirit, and healing restores strength, confidence, and self-esteem.
Growth mindset tells me I can learn to do anything I want to do. If I want to learn to be an electrical designer, I can. If I want to learn to speak more than one language, I can. If I want to develop more business administration skills to advance my career, I can. So, I’m dressing like a CEO for work to remind myself that I have an entire world of opportunities waiting for me. The haters can hate, but I’m not slowing down.
Don’t let other people muffle your brilliance. Just do your thing and they’ll regret their choices one day.
