Yep, we are going to get into it.
If you’ve read my novel, A Kiss of Glass, then you know there are a couple of sex scenes. They are what I would call mildly spicy with some explicit content, but nothing that I would call a full sex scene. There’s enough that the reader gets the point without stepping into erotica territory. (And there is nothing wrong with erotica. It’s just not what my fantasy series is.)
However, my newest project that I am currently working on while my sequel novel is with beta readers and sensitivity readers, is definitely much closer to the romance/erotica categories. This first book, which will be called Olympic Fates: Season 1 on Kindle Vella, currently has four or five sex scenes that are very detailed and incredibly spicy. I’m not sure it would be called erotica, but it is a steamy romance.
And here’s the thing: I was raised in a very traditional, fundamentalist Christian household. Sex was not discussed. We did not watch sex scenes in movies or television. Nudity in films was skipped over, assuming we watched the movie at all. So I never grew up thinking that I would write about sex or include sex scenes in my work. And while I could write a lengthy post on the evils of purity culture and how I will not ever agree with this kind of abstinence-only centric perspective on sex, for the purposes of this post I want to just make the point that writing sex scenes is so much fun!
Before I get into that, though, I want to make a few things clear: 1) Sex is NORMAL. It is not evil or dangerous or sinful. It is a normal thing that should occur between enthusiastically consenting adults. 2) There’s nothing wrong with being a sexual person. And 3) There’s also nothing wrong if you aren’t a sexual person.
Now, onto how much fun it is to write sex scenes.
It really is so, so much fun. But I also want to make sure that I’m writing scenes that do not glorify abuse or toxicity or gray areas regarding consent. There’s too much content that already glorifies rape. I refuse to pile on. So when I’m writing my sex scenes, I make sure to include the things that prove that a sexual connection is healthy and pleasurable for all involved.
1) I ALWAYS make sure that my characters ask for consent every single time they have sex. Doesn’t matter if it’s their spouse and they already know that they want to have sex, I still include a request for consent because yes — that shit is hot as fuck.
The first time a date asked permission to kiss me was back in early 2020 when I was still casually dating people and it was one of the single most sexy things I have ever experienced. Because yes, I already wanted him to kiss me, and so hearing him ask for permission — whew, it was hot. I was ready to go all the way right then, to be honest. So for all the men who are like, “But asking for consent ruins the moment,” NO IT DOES NOT. And anyone who says otherwise, regardless of gender, needs to be in therapy to deconstruct that shit.
The series I’m working on right now is taking Greek mythological stories and characters and transposing them into a regency-era setting. Penelope and Odysseus are the main characters of this series and even though they are now married, he asks for consent every single time. Without fail. And later on when the villain gets married, he is also going to ask for consent because it doesn’t matter how evil my villains are, they will not ever, EVER, resort to rape or sexual abuse. Villains can be villains without perpetuating violence against women, and I am just really tired of the whole “But it’s more realistic” argument.
2) My characters practice open communication regarding what they like sexually. No one is expected to “just know” what someone likes, and no one is expected to “figure it out on their own.” Again, even if it’s a sex scene with one of my villains, there is not and will never be anything even resembling rape or any form of sexual violence. If a character wants something, they ask for it. And the other person listens. That’s how healthy sexual interactions should go.
3) Homophobia and transphobia will never be something that my characters face. In the same way that my villains don’t rape, they also will not be homophobes or transphobes. It’s 2024. Our villains have to be developed more thoroughly, otherwise we’re just regurgitating the same shit from fifteen years ago, and in my worlds where magic is real and gods and goddesses exist, a villain not perpetuating bigotry should be par for the course. Right now, I have one villain and he’s a character from The Odyssey. His development is one of the most fun parts of this new series because I’m intentionally not relying on the tired and cliche villain tropes. This means that I have to work harder to show how he develops into a villain and why he chooses that path. I absolutely want people to hate him when they read his story, but I also want him to challenge what it means to be a villain in this fantasy world.
4) Yes, I have queer characters in this series, too. I’m retelling ancient Greek myths and sexuality was very, very fluid at that time. I mean, have you read The Iliad? Do you remember how enraged Achilles is after Patroclus is killed? How he fights Hector and then desecrates his corpse? Do you think a man would do that for a younger cousin? Nope. Achilles was avenging the man he loves. And yes, Achilles and Patroclus are an open, committed couple in my Olympic Fates Saga. And none of my villains are going to be or say anything homophobic. It simply will not happen.
Honestly, these things are very liberating as well as fun. It means that I can really play with what healthy sexual expression should look like. And I want to be clear: my refusal to portray things like rape or homophobia or transphobia in my work isn’t meant to be dismissive of how awful those things are. These are issues that our community still faces. Conservatives and far-right fundamentalist pastors who call themselves christians are still actively calling for all LGBTQIA2S+ people to be arrested, charged with crimes, and then EXECUTED. So yes, I take that seriously. Extremely so.
But in my own fantasy world, I can create a society where all queer people are free to be safe and live as their most authentic selves. And that is precisely what I am trying to do: reimagine the world without queerphobia in it at all. I do this in my fantasy series and I’m doing it in my Olympic Fates Saga because we cannot actually change the world to be a better place if we never allow ourselves to imagine what that better place could look like.
And it really is a lot of fun.
One thing I’m not carrying with me into 2024 is the shame I know other people expect me to feel over my own sexuality. I am bisexual. I do not and will not hide this truth about myself. I am not ashamed of who I am and, in fact, since I have come out, I have been happier and healthier and more authentic. Plus, other people expecting me to feel shame is entirely a projection of their own shame onto me. I have nothing to be ashamed of. But the people who hate that I exist, the people who believe that any sexuality other than heterosexuality is a sin or an abomination, they’re the ones carrying shame.
And that’s not my responsibility.
I am so excited to start releasing these episodes! Starting April 1st, the first 5 episodes will be live to Kindle Vella. The first season will be completed by the end of August and then hopefully the second season will be written and ready to share, and those first 5 episodes will be uploaded by September 1st.
Can you believe we’re already almost halfway through January?
I really REALLY loved this post. Talking openly about healthy consensual sexual relationships in fiction and/or nonfiction is something that I personally feel is still a tiptoeing taboo whispering ignominy. It could be its own character! Authors like yourself will pave the way for a more woman empowered storyline that can include sex with all its complexities and vulnerabilities —without the woman being exploited with glorified misogynistic sex scenes of violent dominance or submission. It’s boring and unimaginative! Thanks for taking sex to a new level in fantasy writing. Refreshing ❤️✊🏼
Exactly! Like, at some point the statement “But it’s more believable” in reference to utilizing sexual violence against women becomes less an explanation of why the sexual violence is there and more of an excuse to continue glorifying sexual violence. I’m not convinced that these authors — many of whom are men — are using these plot points for “realism” as much as they are using it for their own personal glorification of violence, especially when so many victims of SA have spoken openly about how these scenes in books and film and television actually perpetuate harm, rather than “show things for how they really are.”
I saw a woman on TikTok talking about how male authors write even consensual sex scenes in books and her point was, essentially, that all it takes to determine a male author’s views of women as a whole is to look at how he writes sex scenes. There’s so much objectification and usually very little of her own pleasure, if any, and the consent is usually questionable, at best. Her conclusion was that the vast majority of male authors and male readers — and by extension, men as a whole — don’t see these things as problematic because they so closely resemble their own sexual relationships, even though women readers are shouting practically from the rooftops that these things aren’t sexy, that coercion is not seduction, that these scenes heavily blur the lines between content and SA, and that women readers are now extremely hesitant to read erotica and spicy books written by men because of these things.
The woman in the video concluded that these male authors, and then men as a whole, don’t see issues with these scenes because deep down, they just hate women. Maybe not in an overt way that dominates their every thought, but in the subtle ways that absolutely inform how they write women, as well as how they write men interacting with women. Even George R.R. Martin who, as male fantasy authors go, does a good job of creating complicated female characters, seems to be obsessed with violence against women and I have to wonder if it’s because it is, in his mind, a thing he explores in fiction so that he doesn’t get in legal trouble in his actual life? How much of these things is the author’s personal fantasies coming to life on the page?